On Self-Publishing And Stuff I Did Wrong And What I Will Do Next Time

To be clear, I am not an expert on self-publishing. I did self-publish a novel. I did read a bunch of articles about self-publishing. I do have friends at work who have self-published and gave me some tips. I know some of the mistakes I clearly made, and I know what I’m going to do next time.

However, the disclaimer still stands. I am not an expert on self-publishing and won’t consider myself to be one until I’ve sold 50,000 books, which seems to be a bit of a magical line. Go over that line, and agents begin to seek you out and not the other way around. At least that’s what some self-publishing authors say.

Here are the stats for Luke…
• Went on sale on Amazon (e-book and physical copy) on June 27, 2013
• It has sold 36 e-books and 1 physical book.
• During the 5-day free promotion on Amazon, it was downloaded 571 times.
• There are three reviews for it, all 5-stars. Interestingly, only one of them mentioned Star Wars. The other two seemed to like it on its own as a crime story.
• Kirkus Reviews gave it a positive review.
https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/aaron-d-cohen/luke/

So anyway, on with the lessons…

1. Follow the magic link.

This link will give you great advice and links to some great services…
http://jakonrath.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-to-sell-ebooks.html

The guy has sold a ton of e-books and knows what he is talking about. He is also a very good genre writer.

2. Finish your book.

Nothing happens until you get to THE END. Get there. My technique was 250 words a day, with 1,000 words a day on Saturday and Sunday. It’s okay to write badly. You can re-write. It’s okay to write slowly.
You’ll get faster. But you have to write and you have to finish.

3. Pay for an editor.

Family and friends are unreliable critics and even worse editors. The best way to get good feedback and editing is to pay for it. I paid a friend who also happens to be a great writer $10 an hour to edit the 90,000 words of Luke. Cost me $600. Worth every dime. A line-by-line read from a talented story teller, who is getting paid to make your book better, will make your book way, way better than you ever thought it could be.

4. Once a polished draft is done, pay for a second editor.

Your first editor is going to read it too many times to be able to copy edit the final version, especially if you’ve re-written large chunks of it.  Pay for a copy editor before you publish. You can find copy editing services at…

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/author-services/editorial/services/

And at…

http://www.writersdigestshop.com/author-service-center?lid=wdnav2nddraft

That was a mistake I made. My novel has typos that readers have found and I’m embarrassed by every one of them. So I’m doing a fresh copy edit by a pro and will re-publish in September.

5. Publish via Createspace.

https://www.createspace.com/

Createspace is an Amazon company but when you publish with them, the physical copy of your book also goes on sale at Barnesandnoble.com.

CS is incredibly easy to use. They print physical books, and they will publish the e-book version on Amazon.

6. Pay for a good cover

I paid $500 for my book cover, and the artist also did thumbnails and web banners. This is the guy I used…
http://damonza.com/

People really do respond to covers. Mine turned out pretty well. It looks like a real book. All of the self-published books that sell have professionally designed covers.

7. DO NOT pay for formatting

I paid $200 for formatting and regret it. I could have done it myself. Createspace and Kindle Direct Publishing handle Word docs just fine. What I will do next time is tidy up my Word doc myself.

8. Pay for a professional review, which, by the way, might be negative, even though you paid for it.

Getting a professional reviewers stamp of approval will give you credibility with your audience and with anyone who might be interested in acquiring the rights to your book. My review is here…

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/aaron-d-cohen/luke/

There are other services that do reviews, but I did Kirkus because they are 100% legit. Readers go to that site like movie fans go to Rottentomatoes.com.

9. Self promote via a blog, Twitter and Facebook.

I’m falling down on the job here. I just am not interested in promoting myself and finding something fun to post daily. I’d rather be working on my next novel.

However, the self-published authors who do well take self-promotion seriously. They build up a fan base and interact with them constantly. Here is just one example…

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Laury-Falter/196033543803745?ref=hl

This girl is working it!

Here is my lame blog…

http://107booksread.blogspot.com/

And my lame FB page for Luke…

https://www.facebook.com/LukeANovel

Here is my extra lame Twitter feed…

https://twitter.com/107Reader

I should be publishing something every day and working it, turning one reader into two and two into four, and so on. I’m not doing that. I’m working and writing my next novel.

10. DO NOT publish the entire book all at once. (I think. This is an experimental one.)
This is what I’m going to do next time…I’m going to break the novel up into 7-10 chunks, and sell the chunks (about for 99 cents apiece). Then I’ll publish the entire thing for $4.99.

Here is why…

Everything in Amazon works off of algorithms. The more you ping the formula’s the better. More pings equals more inclusions in the “if you bought this then you might like that” lists. That means one person buying three of your small novel chunks is more powerful than one person buying your entire novel.

That does means writing to the story breaks, creating cliffhangers, which can feel manipulative. But what the hell? That what fiction is supposed to do, manipulate you into feeling something.

11. Do some PR, and pay for it.

I paid http://authorslargeandsmall.wordpress.com/ $200 as an experiment. They promised to do PR for me and get me noticed in some lit blogs. They got me interviewed in one blog, and I should be getting reviewed in a few other blogs. Not so bad for $200. I might see a profit from that one day.

12. Don’t pay for ads.

I spent $500 on Google Adwords. I wanted to do something to get some sales going. I got about 20 copies sold. Not a good investment.

13. The keys seem to be…

-Write good stuff (professional editors are key)
- Publish a lot (Thus, my strategy of serializing my next book.)
- Get good reviews. (I have no doubt that whatever I’ve sold, I’ve sold because when people click to go to my Amazon page, they see three five-star reviews.)
- Have great cover art.
- Leverage PR to get noticed in independent lit blogs.
- Self-promote, self-promote, self-promote.

I am not good at self-promotion, but I’m sure it’s effective when done well. I have found the PR bit to be fun, but am waiting for some sales results to show up. The first four seem to be absolutely mandatory for any kind of success.

There you go! That’s all I know. I will keep you updated on any experiments that show promise. I am paying a good amount of advertising on Kirkus Reviews this October. That might move the needle a bit.

Cheers!

Starring Marisa Tomei as Leanne

I always pictured Marisa Tomei as Leanne. This is what she was thinking in Chapter 22...

Be strong, Leanne. You are a bad ass bitch and you will beat them. Don’t let them see any cracks. You are in control. Focus. Be here now. Be whole now. There is only now.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DOMWB6M

First 5-star Amazon review: 50 Shades + Star Wars + Carl Hiaasen = Luke

This was the first review of Luke posted on Amazon. This lovely person will always have my undying gratitude, whom ever she is...

The 5-star review:

Tons of fun. Carl Hiaasen meets Star Wars meets 50 Shades of Gray meets Elmore Leonard. It's not much of a spoiler to let you know this a sexed-up parody of Star Wars, set in Las Vegas, as you'll figure that out quite quickly.

The Death Star is now the Dark Star, a new 10,000 room brothel that will monopolize the sex industry in Nevada and practically enslave its workers. Darth Vadar is David Vaddio, the force behind the Dark Star. Obi-Wan appears as a retired mobster who lives by The Code. My favorite re-imagining is probably the Millennium Falcon as an RV, but Chewbacca as a mute who shares his thoughts in a journal is a close second.

It's a quick read. It does a great job of engrossing you in a new story, while eliciting chuckles at Star Wars moments.

Al and Leanne do not look alike

From Chapter 22

It is hard to believe that Al is Leanne’s father. Leanne is beautiful. Even on the hastily taped video message, she is drop dead gorgeous. Al is not. Ugly doesn’t quite apply, because the guy smiles so much it somehow counteracts his big, lumpy nose, his oversized ears, his bulbous, insect-like eyes, his bumpy complexion, and the absence of any trace of a chin. He looks like the offspring of a fly and a gorilla. How he could have fathered Leanne is a mystery to Luke.

But what a nice guy! Luke had been expecting a smarmy, abusive, womanizing brute. Instead, Al turned out to be friendly, jovial, always grinning, and caring. He asked about not just Leanne, but also Luke’s aunt and uncle, and Luke himself. Al had promised to help in any way he could. After talking to Al, Luke felt for the first time in a while that things might turn out okay.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DOMWB6M

Three five-star reviews on Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/Luke-ebook/dp/B00DOMWB6M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376709038&sr=8-1&keywords=luke+aaron+cohen

I now have three five star reviews. Woohoo! I can't you how good that feels. Entertain even that many people is somehow a rush and makes me want to do it again.

Writing of the next novel has begun,.

Kirkus Review Says Luke Is "Hilarious" And "A Page-Turning Adventure"

I'd been waiting for the Kirkus review to come in for almost two months. I was ready for the reviewer to hate it. I had to be mentally prepared for a bad review.

Turns out, I didn't have to do that. The reviewer liked it. He (or she) really liked it!

Here it is...

LUKE

Cohen, Aaron D.

$14.99 paperback, $2.99 e-book

BOOK REVIEW

Cohen’s debut, a reimagining of Star Wars set in the underworld of Las Vegas, is a page-turning adventure full of allusions for fans of the movie series.

What if, instead of battling “in a galaxy far, far away,” Luke went on his Jedi journey in the sands of Nevada and did battle with the vicious Empire Gaming instead of the Empire? 

Cohen’s novel gives the answer: It trades light sabers and blasters for brass knuckles and .38s, “the Force” for the Code, and Stormtroopers for suit-wearing thugs who complain about wearing jackets in the desert heat. Instead of Princess Leia, there’s Leanne—a beautiful madam fighting to protect the rights of the prostitutes who work for her. Artie, a code-cracking little person, plays R2-D2; the lecherous, smooth-talking Cecil is C-3PO. Darth Vader? He’s David, a monstrous former wise guy who suffers from asthma. Luke is still Luke, but in this incarnation, he has an unstoppable sex drive and an unfortunate penchant for getting beaten up.

The rest of the cast is here as well, including the drug-running war vet Hank (Han Solo) and his growling, tongueless Samoan sidekick Charlie (Chewie). As in the movie, the characters do their best to stop an evil empire, but instead of saving planets, they’re protecting strip clubs, adult bookstores and other Vegas outposts. Empire’s plan is to legally outlaw pole dancing and limit prostitution to hotels with 10,000 or more rooms. It just so happens that it owns the Dark Star, the only establishment that meets the criteria. Cohen’s writing is crisp, and his dialogue snappy. Seeing elements of the classic space adventure adapted to Sin City is often hilariously entertaining. The novel sticks closely to the source material but deviates enough to maintain interest. While the plot begins to slow toward the end, Cohen’s writing holds the tension, while also preparing for possible sequels.

Delivers action and laughs with its memorable characters and dialogue, despite a dip in momentum before the finish.

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/aaron-d-cohen/luke/

Review Luke - Get Any Kindle Book For Free

Let’s try something crazy…

I think I’ve written a pretty good book, the kind of book I would like to read. People who I trust have read it, given a lot of feedback, and say they like it. I’ve read it many, many times, and I like it. If I didn’t, it would still be collecting dust somewhere in my hard drive.

In order to sell this book, I’m told I need get reviews on Amazon. I’m told that only 1 out of every 200-300 purchases results in a review. I’ve sold 21 copies.

I’m also told that’s not bad for an unknown author self-publishing on Kindle for the first time. Still, I’d like to do better.

I’ve tried the common tactic of offering a free signed copy of the paper book version in exchange for proof of an Amazon review. That has not worked. I still have only the one review. It is a five-star review, and bless the soul that wrote it, but that review alone isn’t going to do the trick.

So let’s try something…

I am willing to send the first 10 people who write reviews of Luke a Kindle book of their choice (up to a $14.99 value). Here is how it will work...

1. You buy, read and review Luke. It’s got to be an honest review of the entire novel. No reading a few pages and throwing down a three word sentence. The review must be 300 words or more.

2. Write me at 107reader@gmail.com. Tell me the name the review is under and the text of the review. Also, tell me the book you want. The new Dan Brown? The new Grisham? 50 Shades? Ulysses? Whatever you want. I will gift it to you through the Amazon gifting system. You’ll get your gift in your email box.

3. AND! If you want a signed copy of the paperbook version, I’ll give you one of those too. Just put your mailing address in the email.

I will do this for the first ten reviews I get. After that, I’ll figure out if it’s worth continuing.

So there you go! That’s the deal. Make sense? Let me know!

Luke is on sale here... http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DOMWB6M

Cheers,

Aaron

Interview With Myself - Why is Luke is NC-17?

Q: And another thing. Star Wars was written for 13-year-old boys. "Luke" has a couple graphic sex scenes and a ton of sexual references. What is he matter with you?

A: Luke is not written for 13-year-old boys. It is written for adults who might have fallen in love with Star Wars at 13, but still love it today. I wrote it for me, kind of. There was no bigger Star Wars fan growing up than me. These days I’m an adult, have lived a varied and interesting life, and so my taste in entertainment has matured. I like dark stories, challenging stories, and artistic stories. With Luke, I tried to combine these two things I love, Star Wars and gritty, funny, dark crime noir tales.

Q: Is that your excuse for the dirty parts? You consider yourself an artist?

A: Yes.

Q: What’s next? You going to turn “The Cat In The Hat” into a story about a male stripper with a taste in quirky headgear who deals heroin door-to-door?

A: I thought of that. So don’t tempt me. I could do it. It would rhyme and everything.

Interview with myself - Part One

Q: What is Luke?

A: Luke is a parody of Star Wars. But it isn’t silly. It is crime story with bits of dark humor in same vein as Elmore Leonard or Carl Hiaasen. Parodies don’t have to be goofy. What parodies do is make a statement about the source material.

Q: What are you saying about Star Wars then?

A: I’m saying this is the modern worlds Odyssey and Luke is our Ulysses. He is the hero who takes the journey and arrives at his destination a changed man, a hero, scarred, wiser but better than he was.

LUKE - Now on Sale

So after a bunch of stops and starts, I final finished my novel. It is called Luke. This is what it looks like...

It is now on sale at Amazon. You can buy a Kindle version or a print version.

Want a free signed copy of the trade paperback version?

If you write a review of it, send a screenshot of the review and your mailing address to 107reader@gmail.com. Do that, and I will mail you a signed copy!

(While supplies last.)

Here is the link to buy it...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DOMWB6M

Let me know what you think! Thanks much.

Reviewing the reviews of 1Q84. They suck!

Title: 1Q84

Author: Haruki Murakami

Progress: 50%

Amazon Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

NYT BS Hardcover/E-Book List: #25 (but was in the top 10 for a while)

Book 7 out of 107

When I put down “1Q84,” I feel as if emerging from a dream. I’m a bit disorientated, a bit disturbed, melancholy and a might creeped out. I’ve never read anything like it.

Given the long passages of backstory, of exposition, of exposition delivered as long episodes of dialogue, all the extended asides into minutia, it has no right to be as compelling as it is, to have the power that it does. And yet it has a hold on me that I’m going to miss once I finish it.

I think it’s the work of a genius.

So I was surprised by its reviews, which range from dismissive to disappointed to angry. Not so with many reader reviews. The amateurs at Amazon and Good Reads have plenty of positive things to say. Search for #1q84 on Twitter and you’ll find a legion of happy Murakami-heads. 


The professionals, not so much.

Janet Maslin of the New York Times throws several haymakers to the literary jaw of Mr. Murakami. To her, reading “1Q84” is akin to be “stuck in quicksand.” It’s a “stupefying” experience, she says.

My review of bad reviews of "1Q84"

To Nathan Heller over at Slate, Mr. Murakami isn’t even a good writer. In fact, according Mr. Heller, the wildly popular author has never been a good writer. Apparently, his first writing award as "best new young writer" was given half-heartedly by judges who in essence gave the entered work a grade of C. 


Why it won if it was so mediocre Mr. Heller doesn’t actually explain. It’s an unanswered question of the kind Ms. Maslin hates so much.

Across the pond, Matt Thorn at the UK’s telegraph calls it a “tedious waste of the reader’s time.” You read that aloud with a British accent and it has a serious sting.

All my life, I’ve been fascinated by works that get uniformly good reviews. If critics become unanimous about something, I want to know why and immediately digest whatever obscure foreign film or independently published novel is getting buzz from the professionally opinionated.

Sometimes, they are absolutely right. Sometimes, critics herald amazing works like “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius,” "Breaking Bad" and “Memento.” Thanks critics! You have made my life that much more enjoyable by celebrating what the Pop Culture Machine would not otherwise have put in front of my eyes.

On the other hand, I sometimes take it personally when something I love takes beating. Guess what? I liked “Thor” and “Captain America.” I liked “the Da Vinci Code” (the book, not so much the movie). I liked “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” the book and movies (US and Swedish). 


I really loved Woody Allen’s “Whatever Works”. “Midnight in Paris” is getting huge kudos this year, and it’s great, but “WW” with a bitter, sarcastic and lovable Larry David makes me smile just thinking about it. And critics hated it.

And they loved “Greenburg: (75% at Rotten Tomatoes.com!), which is a stinking pile of unfunny dreck full of critic bait.

When I read a bad review of something I love, I try to decipher why the critic is disapproving, and figure out if maybe I’m wrong. What flaws do I have that I missed such glaring shittiness?

Let’s break down a few things Slate’s Mr. Heller offers as evidence of Mr. Murakami being a bad writer.

This is from his review…

“And yet for all of its plotting flourishes, 1Q84 reads, paragraph-to-paragraph, as some of Murakami’s weakest writing in years. Obvious things are overexplained. (“If we're through choosing, we'd better close the menus,” Aomame at one point instructs. “Otherwise the waiter will never come.”) Figurative language is often forced. (“Little children might pee in their pants, the impact of her frown was so powerful,” goes one description.) And when the book’s frenetically evolving plot requires explanation, as if often does, much of the crucial data is simply dropped into the mouths of characters…”

When I read the cited passages in the book, they didn’t strike me as bad writing. Maybe I’m a barely literate idiot, but they didn’t.

With the menu business, the stilted dialogue between two characters happens while they are just getting to know each other. They are young women who aren’t used to having friends. They are nervous and worrying about what the other is thinking and what they should think about the other. That kind of social situation leads to saying overly obvious things like: “We should put our menus down or the waiter will never come.” That line seemed perfectly suited to the situation and the mindset of the characters.

With the second example, citing the “forced” figurative language, this thought happens in the head of a character suffering from sharp self-esteem problems. And while a beautiful girl, she can become inordinately scary looking when grimacing. It’s something she worries about a lot and will often force a smile from her lips for fear of letting slip her frightening expression. So again, that line, the childlike tone of it, the simplicity of it, I had no problem with.

I’m trying to prove anyone wrong. When it comes to art, there is no right and wrong. People like or dislike, and some people can explain with entertaining clarity why it is something repels are attracts them.

In the case of “1Q84”, all I can say is that I love it. It has a hold on my imagination. I know, like and hope for the two main characters. My perception of the real world seems a bit shifted after a long session of reading this beguiling book; things seem a bit unreal and mysterious, filled with strange connections. I half expect to look up into the sky and see a second moon, a green one, and feel the pull of the vacuum of fate, which is what I think this book is actually about.

Or maybe I’m wrong. Who knows?

I do know this about reviews and critics.

As much as I appreciate their work, a critic has never moved me. Mr. Heller will never make me re-examine the nature of life and fate. Ms. Maslin will never make me cry or laugh or write anything that will make me say wow. Critics, at best, can point to works that would otherwise go unnoticed. But do they have anything to teach me? I think maybe not. Not much anyway.

So here is a new rule for this project. I’m not going to read reviews, professional reviews, until after I’ve read the book and learned what I can from it.

My task is to discover the power and secrets of how these novels work, reverse engineering them so I can put one together myself. I’ve read enough how-to-write books and reviews, and if you could become a novelist just through reading those, I’d be rivaling Stephen King by now.

Now, back to year 1Q84. Some crazy, crazy stuff is happening, and I’m sure Janet Maslin doesn’t approve of any of it.  

Man versus Push Back versus King kicking ass, King wins

Title: 11/22/63

Author: Stephen King

Progress: 31%

Platform: Kindle

Amazon Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

NYT BS Hardcover/E-Book List: #1 (debuted at number 1)

Book 6 out of 107

First off, Stephen King is a liar. He does outline. The evidence? Right there at the 25% mark comes the first big plot point of the book, a big gruesome tent pole moment that completes the first quarter of the story and launches us into the rest of it with great momentum. 


You can tell it’s a big King moment because it comes complete with a bloody struggle, a sledge hammer wielding maniac and a chest skewered with a bayonet. He goes for the horrific gross out and dares you to look away. You can't.

Second off, Stephen King is amazing. What a great read.

There is too much to talk about for one post – time travel, first-person narrative, bringing to life the 1950s – so I will talk about what I think is the most important lesson of the read so far. Let’s call this the lesson of Push Back.

Push Back is whatever is pushing back against your hero. In the last book, Zero Day, the Push Back against our hero, Reacher, was first the mystery of who killed the family, then the mysterious people trying to kill him, and then finally the ultimate bad guy.

A good Push Back, like a good tennis opponent, is tough, quite close to unbeatable, but just a sliver not tough enough to win the battle against our hero. However, the Push Pack should be tough enough to abuse our hero, bruise him, batter him, make him miserable, give him diarrhea (which happens in 11/22/63), and make him suffer in myriad ways.

With 11/22/63, Mr. King had an interesting problem with the Push Back. The story is about a guy who goes back in time to prevent the assassination of JFK. The hero of the story, Jake Epping, does his time traveling via a portal conveniently located in the pantry of a diner he frequents. I’m not going to get into all the details. It’s a time travel story, which means there are paradoxes and logic problem to be found if you look for them. So…moving on.

Jake’s problem, once he gets past dealing with living in the 50s (No I-Phones! No computers! No automatic transmission!), his obstacles are not that big of a deal. It would be easy enough to track a person down, kill him, then hustle back through the portal to home. Not a problem.

So here is the genius thing King does to solve his Push Back problem…Time itself starts pushing back. Every time Jake attempts to make a big change to the future (like saving a family from being murdered by an angry, drunken father), things get in his way. He gets a stomach flu. His car break down. The stairs he’s walking on crumble. He get a blinding migraine.

As convenient and contrived as the idea is, that time would seek to defend itself from being changed, it rings true. There are times, in the real world, when you are urgently trying to complete something and the universe seems to intelligently and methodically conspire against you. Have you ever had to get to the airport to catch a flight that you have just barely enough time to catch? And everything goes wrong that possibly could? Traffic is backed up due to an accident. The long term parking bus breaks down. The line to check-in looks miles long. The security line looks longer. You end up waiting in the one line with the metal detector that breaks. Arrrrrrgh!

When things start pushing back against Jake, you can relate to him, understand how he needs to work to decrease the odds of failure. He putsan extra can of gas in the car, repairs the spare tire, picks up a bottle of Kaopectate, just in case a stomach flu hits him. He needs to be paranoid and prepare for almost anything. 

He’s going to have to earn his chance to re-write history.

That feeling of the entire world being against him, testing him, making him work for his victory, that is powerful stuff and makes for tense, addictive reading. Despite the fantastic time travel plot, there is something extremely relatable about Jake and his struggle to get past fate, and a lovely taste of sweetness when he does.

What have we learned so far? Stephen King kicks ass. And he solved a story problem in a clever way that elevates this story above so many others that cover similar ground. It becomes more than just a time travel story, but a statement about man’s struggle with fate. These are big ideas delivered via a thrill ride. Nicely done.

Baldacci right on time with Zero Hour

Title: Zero Day

Author: David Baldacci

Progress: 25%

Platform: Kindle

Amazon Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

NYT BS Hardcover List: #4 (debuted at number 1)

Book 5 out of 107

In case you were wondering, here is how I'm choosing books for this project...

As soon as I finish a book, a go to the New York Times Bestseller's list for combined print and E-book fiction. The next book will be the highest on that list that falls within the broad range of crime thriller or mystery. I'm going for real world settings, no sci-fi or fantasy, though I love them both. 

I am looking for the best, or at least the most popular, books that have someone getting murdered in an early chapter. Or, as in the case of The Litigators, a clear conflict that will be resolved after several chapters of building tension.

I'm now on book 5, and now I have a few more rules.

I'm going to write a post at every quarter mark (25%, 50%, 75% and 100%), so I'll be posting a little less so I can read more. 

Those particular marks are good stopping points because thriller writers seem to outline based on those marks. The stories I've read so far all take important turns at the quarter marks, and I think that's by design.

Let's talk about outlining for a minute...

Stephen King says he doesn't write  with an outline, and he probably doesn't need to. He is writing epics. His books stretch for a thousand pages or more and have lives of their own, obeying their own rules of fiction, rules that Mr. King seems to make up as he goes along. He's like a jazz musician, playing within a certain key and construct, and then improvising as wildly and energetically as he can.

Thriller writer can't do that. These stories must be tight, effective, and deliver satisfaction in about 300 pages. Tom Clancy got away with some fat books, but everyone else in the genre keeps it tight. It's what the fans want. And when your publisher wants a book a year, I would guess tightly outlining is the way to go.

In my own experience of starting and abandoning novel projects, I used to be anti-outline, because I was too cool for that, too much of an artiste. Then I switched to screenplays, which have a lot rules, including a three act structure that every reader looks for. 

At first, I kind of hating all those screenwriting rules, which seemed so limiting, like the writer was reduced to changing a few variables in a formula, as opposed to creating something fresh.

You know what didn't happen when I writing screenplays? Writers block. Why? I had an outline. I had a plan. I knew where to go. I didn't always know how I would get there, but having a landmark to reach made writing so much easier.

On this novel I'm currently working on, I've got an outline l like a lot. I've got some big scenes that I think will work. I've got a finale I love. All those ideas came into existence because is started with an outline. 

An outline is a compass. It's a guide, nothing more. It's a tool, not a pair of handcuffs.

Getting back to Zero Day...

Holy shit. David Baldacci can write. This is the best book I've read so far as part of this project.

Here is what Mr. Baldacci does that I really like...

1. Killer opening that immediately establishes the mystery. A mailman discovers a murder scene that sends him running out of the house puking. We don't get to see inside the house, but we know that what is in their is horrible. The mailman puke on the lawn is proof.

2. Disciplined devotion to the main character, John Reacher. We stay almost exclusively in his point of view, and the only time we leave it is when another character has something to think about Reacher. This character is becoming real to me in a way that the other books I've read couldn't pull off. I am not saying this is a character-driven book. It is flying forward with great momentum, dropping plot twists at the end of every chapter, increasing the body count at disturbing rate. Even with all that action, Reacher to growing to be a fully realized, detailed and complex character.

3. Supporting characters get some love. When a supporting character takes the stage, Mr. Baldacci gives them a little something to bring them to life. He gives them each a little more description and dialogue than other authors will allow. This creates a richness to the world without slowing the story down. Also, because we are always in Reacher's POV, we are getting his views on these new people, so not only are we getting to know new characters, but are also learning more about how Reacher thinks. It's a great trick.

What have we learned? A lot. There is a lot to learn from Mr. Baldacci.

The rule remains true, in life and in writing

Title: The Litigators

Author: John Grisham

Progress: 100% done!

Platform: Kindle

Amazon Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

NYT BS Hardcover List: #1 (debuted at number 1)

Book 4 out of 107

As in math, chemistry, and physics,  the rule of consistency holds true for writing. If it worked before, it will work again.

The proof is the fight at the end of every Rocky movie. No matter how bad the that particular edition is (Rocky V, good god, the badness), the fight at the end is always effective, always gets your blood pumping, makes you clench your fists and take a few jabs at the air.

Even in the worst Rocky movies, the fight scenes always work. Same thing with Grisham courtroom scenes.
Was Rocky V the worst Rocky movie? Or the best of the sequels? Discuss.

Same thing with The Litigators. This is a book that was working for me up to the 75% mark. Then comes the court room battle, the fight, and suddenly I am all in.

Our hero David, completely outmatched by his opponent, totally abandoned by his partners, without the benefit of one fact in his favor, puts up a decent fight, and it glorious.

The court scenes are terrifically put together, and again, very much like a boxing match. In the opening rounds, David gets pummeled, and he takes the beating, doing what he can to stay in the ring. His offense doesn't exist. He has a quack doctor who barely speaks English and a pharmacology expert who flees the courthouse when called to testify.

David looks done, thoroughly defeated. Then, almost as if he had a brilliant plan to lull the opposition into a false sense of security, he strikes. He goes after the head scientist for the evil drug corporation like Rocky raining down left hooks on Mr. T.

Those scenes made hard not to cheer out loud. 

Despite the fact that David wasn't all the sympathetic, and that the lawsuit was bullshit, you root for the guy. He's the underdog and it seems even when the underdog is wrong, you still want him to win. How about that?

What did we learn? The end of Rocky always works, and that readers will root for even a flawed underdog.

John Grisham versus Rocky

Title: The Litigators

Author: John Grisham

Progress: 75%

Platform: Kindle

Amazon Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

NYT BS Hardcover List: #1 (debuted at number 1)

Book 4 out of 107

This is how The Litigators works...


It is of the "legal thriller" genre, though this book is more legal than thrilling, flirting with the comic more than the dangerous. There are a few gunshots, but they don’t amount to much.

It is not a mystery. There is nothing to figure out. The compelling questions are answered almost as soon as they are asked.

It is not about the fight for justice or for truth, where an outmatched lawyer takes on a hopeless but worthy case and wins in the end, gets an innocent man off of death row, or wins millions for a town poisoned by the local chemical company.  

This book is more about the fight. It’s a kind of like Rocky but with guys in expensive suits talking about briefs and occasionally filing motions. There is a lot of motion filing.

Let’s break this story down...

"I'm gonna file a motion to bust you up."
"Go for it, but but first please stick this motion of summary judgment up your ass."
"I object!"
"I object to your breath."

Act 1: We meet the fighters, the good guys and the bad guys, the two sides that will end up in the ring punching it out. We get to know them, understand their motivations, look over their strengths and weaknesses, and figure out if we want to root for them or not.

Act 2: Fight preparation. Challenges are issued. Battle lines are drawn. The rules of engagement become clear. Each side marshals its forces, preparing for the first contact with the enemy. By the end of Act 2, the fight has been scheduled, the trial date set, the war declared.

Act 3: Training. Our hero gets in shape, often using unconventional means. (Remember Rocky chasing that chicken around a Philadelphia alley?) During this act, the villain becomes seemingly unbeatable, growing in power, becoming as fearsome as 1989’s Mile Tyson, as opposed to the comedic actor with the face tattoo we have in 2011.

During this act, the hero, during his intense training, will often get bad news, distracting him from his task. He will also be told by someone who knows a few things: “You can’t win. You’re doomed.”

That’s as far as I’ve got with The Litigators. I’m 75% done and heading into Act 4.

Here’s the problem…Rocky is an effective story because you like Rocky as soon as he shows up on the screen. He takes care of pigeons. He likes turtles. He’s got a shitty job but he’s dreaming big. If he was a douche for 75% of the movie, you’d root for Apollo Creed to bash his head in.

Our heroes in The Litigators are not Rocky. They lie, cheat and steal. They are motivated by greed. They will happily increase a client's misery if it will increase the firm's profits. They don't really care if they have truth on their side. They just want to get rich.

The one protagonist with some redeeming qualities, David, goes along for the ride, all the while knowing what his firm is doing with their bogus lawsuit concerning a cholesterol drug that is benefiting millions of patients.

It seems like Mr. Grisham, or maybe one of his editors, knew that a sympathy problem was developing. The idea isn’t to make the reader root for the giant, evil corporation, and yet, we readers come close to doing just that.

So, right in the middle of the book, a hero-making storyline is crowbarred in between the bad people performing bad lawyering. David takes on cases representing abused workers and a poor little boy brain damaged from chewing on a lead covered toy. These cases, noble as they are, feel tacked on and out of context. Perhaps they were notes from another book that Mr. Grisham cut and pasted from. Whatever the case, there is a clear need in to improve David’s character, so we readers could actually have a character to work for.

In any case, it feels patchwork, contrived and manipulative.

On the other hand, without those subplot bandages, I wouldn’t give a flying flaming duck poop about Wally and Oscar winning their case against the giant drug company who made a good drug and is getting sued by these two wastes of court room space.

Almost despite myself, I’m intrigued by what will happen at trial. Now that we are finally at fight day, I’m ready for some action. We’ve got the seasoned, well paid professionals up against our scrappy, desperate, inexperienced journeyman who have rarely argued in front of a judge.

So bring on Act 4. Will they win, like Rocky 2? Or just go the distance, like the superior Rocky 1?

 

What have we learned? Having a big fight between two interesting combatants at the end of your story is good, and having a hero people love in one corner, a villain to hate in the other, is better.

Maybe Aristotle had it wrong

Title: The Litigators

Author: John Grisham

Progress: 50%

Platform: Kindle

Amazon Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

NYT BS Hardcover List: #1 (debuted at number 1)

Book 4 out of 107

The surprising yet the inevitable. That’s what we are supposed to to do. We are supposed to surprise out audiences, shock them, make them see something they didn’t expect to see, feel something they didn’t see coming.

That’s what Aristotle said anyway. Maybe he was wrong. You look at The Litigators at the top of the best seller lists, and you have to think maybe A-dog was drinking a little too much of that sweet, sweet Greek wine.

Aristotle said that dramatic action should strive be completely surprising yet seemingly inevitable. He also said men had more teeth than women, and apparently didn't take the time to actually count. So, what the hell did he know anyway?

Here’s the thing about The Litigators. So far, every character has behaved exactly according to the script of a stereotype. They have done exactly as expected, said everything you would have expected them to say. Even supporting characters seem taken from some big book of handy stereotypes. And in fact, some of these stereotype I find insulting.

Here’s the run down…

Wally, the greedy street lawyer who literally chases ambulances and was born almost completely without scruples.

Rochelle, who is black (as Mr. Grisham points out), the lazy, cantankerous, office manager who complains as soon as there is extra work to be done.

DeeAnna, the sexy golddigger who is clearly having sex with Wally because she thinks he might come into money thanks to the big lawsuit against a popular cholesterol drug.

The gang of black men (Mr. Grisham points out their blackness) who surround an expensive car and acting in a threatening way until chased off at gun point.

And there is David, our hero, the stressed out, over worked legal drone who broke away from the big, hellish law firm to join up with the low rent law shop that makes barely enough to stay open. David is a lawyer with a heart, who just might do the right thing one day, in the face of long odds and big temptations.

The list could go on. Every character we meet is predicable, straight out of central casting, spouting exactly the lines you expect them to say.  

This book is like someone cut pasted characters and scenes from other Grisham novels to make a new novel that is almost parody like to pointing out the weakness of all his earlier books without borrowing any of their strengths.

In a good book, including some of Mr. Grishom’s, a character will do something quite surprising, make a decision you weren’t expecting, and spin the story in a new direction. When done well, that unexpected decision will also make perfect sense, will seem to fit well within that character’s make up, and somehow seem quite logical. And yet, we never saw it coming.

That’s the way character’s come alive.

For instance, when Lisbeth sleeps with Mikael in The Girl With The Drgaon Tattoo, it seems to come out of the blue, pleasantly shocking Mikael and we readers. Even more surprising, revealing and funny was how once she was finished with him, she hoped off and went to bed without a thought. Great scene, surprising, but also perfectly believable.

Lisbeth has a hard time with relationships, empathy, simple human communications. She likes Mikael, she has a physical need, and he can ease that need. In her mind, the equation is simple and she does she sees as the logical thing without ever considering what Mikael might need or want. That’s typical of her major character flaw and it takes three books for her to figure that out, and even then, doesn’t quite come to terms with it.

That kind of revelatory scenes isn’t going to be happening in The Litigators. Sad to say. But here’s hoping I’m wrong.

What have we learned? Entertainment needs surprise, and I find myself supremely unsurprised with The Litigators.